A second-year Vietnamese Jesuit’s insights on his vocation and growth
Living in the Society of Jesus has truly been a great blessing for me. The order is like a second home to me. At the Arrupe International Residence, I live with brothers from many different countries, cultures, and backgrounds, yet we share a common purpose of serving God and others in the world. It is within the order that I have been trained, loved, taught, protected, and most importantly, allowed to be myself. From these experiences, I want to share three main insights that have emerged in my vocational journey: first, a deeper understanding of myself; second, gratitude toward the order; and finally, a profound experience of God’s love for me.
The Experience of Self-Knowledge
Looking back on my journey, from the seminary to my current second year of theology, I see that I have grown every day in a better understanding of myself. When I first joined the order, I was a shy, quiet boy who rarely voiced my opinions. I was very afraid of upsetting others. However, through years of training within the order, I have gradually begun to open up and share my feelings with others.
Especially during difficult times, or when I see something I am unhappy with, or when there’s a misunderstanding with a brother in the community, I take time to reflect on myself and the situation. Then I choose a good time to meet with that brother and share my observations and feelings sincerely. Thanks to these conversations, I feel that our brotherhood has grown stronger, and we understand each other better. Of course, I haven’t always been successful in handling problems; sometimes I still struggle in relationships. However, I try to persevere.
Furthermore, I’ve realized that I have grown in my ability to listen to other people’s point of view. I have understood that what matters most is knowing how to listen. I listened more to genuinely understand and discern what was being shared by my friends. I listened more to better understand the other person’s situation. Only by fully grasping, understanding, and discerning the message and needs of others can I enter into a deeper relationship with the person.
Moreover, I have made enormous steps in accepting myself and my limitations. In the past, I frequently attempted to emulate others rather than become the unique and valuable person God created me to be. Before, I often demanded to be like this person or that person. But back then, I felt tired and wasn’t living authentically. To overcome these challenges, I dedicated time to myself, learning to accept my limitations while also appreciating the efforts I had made. Additionally, I took quiet moments for discernment, self-reflection and self-appreciation.
Through this experience of genuinely opening my heart to my brothers and adopting an attitude of listening to and accepting myself, I felt a sense of peace and joy and was able to rejoice in my calling.
Gratitude to the Society of Jesus
As I learned more about myself, I felt deeper gratitude toward the Society of Jesus. In addition to the caring support of my parents, the Society of Jesus significantly influenced the person I have become. I completely understand and am appreciative of the love and support I have received from our Jesuit priests and my Jesuit brothers.
The fathers and brothers of the Society have exhibited enormous patience toward me. Even when I made numerous mistakes, they gave me opportunities to grow and mature in my vocation while showing a degree of trust I have never experienced before. One experience I will never forget is when I was a candidate, I failed the university entrance exam twice and only passed on the third attempt. At that time, a priest on the formation team told me, “If I had come back to the candidate house earlier, I would have let you leave the candidacy house soon. Perhaps if you are here today, you have to thank the patience of the father director. He has always seen the small flame of your vocation, and one day it will grow.” After hearing that, I realized how much the order loves and cares for me.
I was guided in spirituality to a deeper relationship with our God while at the same time experiencing unprecedented feelings of freedom, which enabled me to become a more responsible person, taking accountability for my judgments and decisions. Furthermore, even in my spiritual life, the priests patiently guided me so I could grow closer to God. At the same time, I also felt that the order provided me with a lot of freedom.
One especially memorable experience was during my apostolic internship in Thailand. The priests trusted me in making decisions about projects for Catholic students in Northern Thailand. Because of that trust, I grew in understanding, learning more from my failures than from my few successes.
My Experience of God’s Love for Me
Every day living in the Society of Jesus, I become more cognizant of and appreciative of God’s boundless love for me as I experience a God who is always patient. My vocational journey has had many ups and downs. There were times when I was lazy in prayer, self-reflection, and self-examination. Yet, it seems that God still waited for me. He did not reproach me or get annoyed, but always opened His arms to welcome me back. Therefore, when I became aware of that patience, I tried to make time to meet Him in the small chapel and in those quiet moments that I reserved for self-reflection.
Throughout my vocational journey, I also experienced God’s great love for me through the companions who were sent to walk with me along my academic and vocational path. A clear example was when I was studying for my Master’s degree at Chiang Mai University. I felt that the program was very demanding because I had to study in Thai. There were times when I secretly thought about asking my superiors to let me quit because it was too stressful. But then I said to God, “Lord, if this is your will, please send someone to help me.” And indeed, it happened: at each stage, God sent someone to accompany me, especially when I was writing my thesis. Thanks to that, I finally completed my graduation thesis.
Ultimately, on my vocational journey, God consistently opened doors to His mission and guided me every step of the way. Looking back on my time in training with the order, I silently thank God every day for His love for me, which feels so personal and individual. It is from that love that I have come to feel greater love for God by finding Him present in those He has brought me into contact and relationships with. It is also through that love that I have come to experience greater self-confidence and enormous gratitude toward those who guide me.
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Joseph Nguyen Phu Cuong, SJ is a Vietnamese Jesuit currently in his second year of theology at the Loyola School of Theology and residing in the Arrupe International Residence. He received his formation in Vietnam Province, progressing from the candidate stage to the philosophy program. Afterward, Father Provincial sent him to serve in the Region of Thailand.