I divided the exposition into two parts. I will first be describing the Sifting Through The Good and then move on to the other part – Discernment of Holy Desires.
Sifting Through The Good. The persons I meet in my work are fundamentally good people, people full of good intentions, drawn by the ideal of serving God and people. They perceive the priesthood and/or religious life as the ideal circumstance where they can live out the ideal of generous service. They are in pursuit of the good – the choice, which is morally right, which promotes the dignity of human beings, which is beneficial to the whole of humanity. As their formation journey unfolds, they come to discover what attracts them to what is good, to what is ideal.
Ideals are powerful motivations. Ideals because they are positive in nature are attractive. They present to us how matters can be better than its current state. We find ourselves invited to go beyond just being good. We realize we can be more, better – more honest, more kind, more loving, more virtuous, more knowledgeable, etc. and thus become better persons. Ideals are appealing because living them out bring about delight as one experiences oneself as growing, improving.
Moreover, made in the image of Goodness, there is within each of us a space that quickens or is kindled wherever or whenever goodness is present. Having ideals also keep us from living our lives in mediocrity. They stretch us to be the best we can become.
Ideals however need to be awakened as their existence maybe obscured by survival needs. Concentration of efforts on staying alive may deprive persons from being aware of the existence of ideals and thus miss heeding the biddings of ideals. The home, the school, and the church are where ideals are awakened.
In its proper function, ideals serve as inspirations. There are, however, downsides to the pursuit of what is good, of ideals. They may be pursued for the wrong reasons and may be destructive rather than formative.
Firstly, ideals provide escape from one’s reality. When the reality of our actual life circumstances or self is too negative and embarrassing, we turn our attention to ideals. We edit/delete/curate those unacceptable aspects of our life circumstances or of our person. We do this unconsciously as a form of coping and that is understandable. However, it is something to hurdle information work. Formation work has the actual self as its starting point. One’s ideal self is the end of formation not its starting point.
Self-idealization is another downside. Self-idealization is the attribution of excessively positive qualities to oneself. One has come to believe that one is the model for others, the embodiment of whatever ideals are to be imbibed. Perhaps as children they got the love they needed by being the ideal child. The pride their parents took in them locked them into this self-concept. After sometime this self-concept of an epitome becomes burdensome, too much to maintain as there is of course the reality of human limitations. Faced with the reality of human limitedness these people begin to experience being in a quandary. Having anchored their self-worth on being a paragon they can burn out from excessive striving for fear of disappointing others and losing their esteem. Ideals are pursued with grimness and determination; they have become oppressive. Often, this shift from ideals being inspirational to their becoming tyrannical is imperceptible. The pursuit of ideals has become a psycho-emotional need. It is with compulsion that they now chase after ideals. They may even feel anger towards themselves when they experience lapses in their behavior. Moreover, alienation from their actual self, their real self, the self grounded in reality may ensue. Again formation faces an obstacle here.
Self-idealization can also lead to self-righteousness, intolerance of mistakes in others, lack of compassion for the weakness of others. Relationship with others will then be marked with much tension.
It is important for us to be aware of practices, structures, etc. that contribute to self-idealization. Some examples are a) constantly bestowing ideal qualities onto another, raising him/her on a pedestal, revering him/her like a god, shielding him/her from negative perceptions. b) awards and other forms of recognition that highlight personal qualities rather than the positive impact of actions, interventions, or behaviors. When we highlight personal traits, we produce self-raised saints and heroes. We need a proper understanding of the function of ideals in our lives lest we contribute to making people inordinately attached to them. We need to sift through the good.
Discernment of Holy Desires. The people I meet are not only propelled by ideals but may also feel the stirrings of holy desires. A website defines holy desires as the deep longing in our heart, for God and for the things that please God. Holy desires, are not born of the flesh, rather they are born of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us that causes us to long to love God as God deserves to be loved.
I will not go into Ignatian discernment of spirits here but will suggest a way of determining the authenticity of the holy desires, whether or not a desire is indeed inspired by one’s love for God or one that is, upon closer scrutiny an extension of self-idealization.
When it is a holy desire, the ideal is pursued because it is an expression of one’s love for God. Take for example the desire to serve. One’s desire to serve may be unconsciously motivated by the need to get noticed (to be seen). Service is undertaken as a means to satisfy one’s psycho-emotional need for recognition (approval from people whose protection, love, or admiration are important to them). Or service is motivated by a desire to be an example for others to emulate. Or because to serve is a good thing and good, goodness in themselves are attractive realities that uplift the human spirit. For St. Ignatius to serve is to love. Service is engaged in simply as an expression of love for another or for God. In the final contemplation in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius one reads that “love is shown more in deeds than in words”. Thus “to love is to serve”
Another way of distinguishing between desires motivated by love for God or by self-idealization is how one feels in the face of one’s imperfection. If an ideal is engaged in for self-idealization the predominant feeling is disappointment with oneself. One feels let down by oneself. One finds it difficult to forgive oneself. One may even keep distance from God embarrassed by one’s imperfection.
When it is holy desire one feels extremely repentant, contrite, sorry for having offended a beloved. One longs to ask for and receive forgiveness from the Other/God and is eager to be reconciled. One’s failure/imperfection is not a barrier to one’s relationship with God.
It is evident that not all attraction to ideals or what is good and even holy desires are self-transcending. Some are self-serving. Thus, the necessity for sorting through the good and discernment of holy desires. One of the goals of formation (especially in the formation of candidates to the priesthood and religious life) is growth in self-transcendence – the ability to serve something greater than themselves. Their focus is no longer themselves and their concerns but some higher goal outside and beyond themselves.
There is a component of self-forgetfulness in self-transcendence. I am not referring to the forgetful self that is a result of memory impairment or dementia but rather: “that quality of having no thought of self or selfish interest, or no regard for own advantages but only for the welfare of others.” After all priesthood and religious life, service to the Church, and a life dedicated for others are lives lived in total dedication to God and God’s holy people.
Ideals serve important purposes But for what motives do you uphold ideals? Why do you pursue ideals? If pursued for the wrong reasons ideals may be oppressive/tyrannical for self and others.